There is a quote that I heard from Primo Levi, which says, "I also know how important it is in life...to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head..." When I first heard this quote, I didn't really think much of it, but in light of the many adventures I have had in the last several years, the true depth of these words has begun to sink in, and I think now I am beginning to understand them. There is a reason Levi chose the specific descriptions that he used. A stone is blind and deaf; in short, completely inanimate. How can you put on a show for such an audience; how can you make up some clever story to cover up mistakes or shortcomings? How can you reason your way out of a challenge, to get your audience to agree with you that, yes, there was nothing more that could be done on your part? You can't.
The "most ancient of human conditions" that Levi is speaking of is that place where we are faced with a great trial, and must find the strength within ourselves to overcome. When your only audience is a blind, deaf stone, you suddenly realize that there is no one else to blame; no one else to manipulate or persuade. YOU either rise to the task, or YOU fail.
Interestingly enough, it seems that "success" is judged here, not so much in respect to one's ability to wholly complete or not complete a specific task, but rather in one's ability to come to terms with themselves; to release blame and guilt from their lives and discover who they truly are, what they are truly made out of. And usually this is done through a trial. I have faced that "blind, deaf stone" many times in my life, and through these trips out on the River, I hope to face it many more times, because these encounters have forever transformed the way that I see everything in my life. I truly believe, like Levi did, that everyone must measure themselves at least once: beyond what people say or how they react, beyond the labels that others put on us. To strive, at least once, to give everything that is within us to give, and find if it is enough. This is when life truly begins.
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Thanks for these thoughts. It made me think of the many trips I have taken on the Suwannee River where lightning was popping all around. It made me think of the coup that occurred in Africa when I was there in '01.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this measuring is a one time thing or a continual event; a continual measuring. If so, when can one stop measuring oneself?
I don't know. For me, this kind of experience is one that puts you at peace with yourself, rather than nervous about whether you'll "measure up" next time a test comes around. I think it's that peace that's important, not so much when, where, or how many times you're "measured", you know? From what you wrote, sounds like you do :)
ReplyDelete-Daniel
Awesome blog entry! I can really relate. I paddled the entire Suwannee River last year. Unfortunately I was unable to do it all at one time due to work. However, their were a couple of segments I did alone. Normally I don't paddle alone due to saftey considerations but their were a couple segments when it was necessary. It was a profound experience to spend 3 days alone on the river. I found a peace and connection with nature I hadn't experienced before. When I reached the end of the Suwannee and the Gulf opened up before me I felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment. I didn't do it for bragging rights but just to see if I could do it and for the sheer joy of the adventure. Thanks for your Blog! Keep it coming.
ReplyDeleteMark